On the hazards of voice recognition software, or, “I will not sink with a robot girl”

As I have written about on here before, I carry a small, volant notebook with me at all times. After realizing how many words I’d crammed in there, I decided to try some of the free voice-to-text/transcription programs out there. This was a mistake. I’m copying a transcript of my first attempt below. NSFW; I got mad.

“I am a strategy in the writer March inflamed inconsistent access can high riders this is not f****** working f*** you online detection suck donkey farts far better accurate women swearing at you s***** computer sodomize yourself with electrons”

After these auspicious beginnings, I started reciting the poetry of Philip Larkin and the songs of Leonard Cohen, but became distracted halfway through. The lack of punctuation creates an interesting sort of flow.

“They f*** you up your mum and dad they may not mean to but they do the fairy with the fault they had some new ones just for you they were f***** up in their turn by fools in old style hats and coats who have the timer stop Eastern and half of one another’s throats man hands misery on to man it depends like a coastal shelf get out early as you can and don’t have any kids yourself heard there was a secret chord that David played and it pleased the Lord but you don’t really care for music do you it goes like this the fourth the fifth the minor fall the major lift the baffled King composing hallelujah your favorite strong but you needed proof you saw her bathing on the roof your beauty and the moonlight overthrew you she tied you to a kitchen chair she broke your throne you cut your hair and from your lips she drew the Hallelujah why are you getting this right you had a hard time getting the rest right perhaps your sentences rather than speaking in clip turns you need an entire sentence with recognizable meaning how interesting the computer is teaching me part of your system I said god damn it computer I will not be a part of your system you cannot make me think like a robot Google I will not sink with a robot girl well that is an interesting huh”




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